Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
My vagina is very pro this idea
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
