I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
