What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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