They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
