WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
