i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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