Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
