he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
