He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
