if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize