I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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