Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
