very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize