Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
