oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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