dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
