I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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