Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
