I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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