I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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