He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
