We need to start having sex underwater more often.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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