If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
