sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
