yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
