It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
