i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
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