what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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