At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
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