I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
