That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
