So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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