from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
