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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
