i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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