this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
