did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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