I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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