Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I will pee on everything he values.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
