I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
