im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
