I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize