So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
