Cold hands, warm shart.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
