i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
