I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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