no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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