when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
