I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
