the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
