woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
