He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize