you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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