At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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