So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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