you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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