she kept yelling 'call me bella'
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
