My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
