You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
