): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
