I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
