I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
