Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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